It must be incredible to have the money to actually pay someone to pen a biography for you. One line into reading I suppose you have figured out that I have not even chosen to write this in third person. I have an album, I’ve done that and am not choosing against it for the sake of being “sassy”. I would just rather be openly honest with you. Prefer a conversation over prose that is just dictated to me ? Perhaps that’s why I choose the position of emcee. Could be that i just escape this act to the extreme. That would be awfully on the far end of things, but then again, I’ve heard myself described that way.

So, is it possible that someone so willing to avoid an unpleasant experience goes so far as to turn this avoidance into a career ? Nah...I’ve come to terms with the fact that no matter how many times I proclaim quitting, get frustrated with measly financial compensation for my work, or just plain hate what I do some days, this is what I was put here to do. Music. It’s the only thing that can bring the most beautiful or horribly ugly emotions out of me. Anything that can do that has got to be worth loving, worth fighting for and worth living passionately about. That is music to Jean Grae. It is everything.

I grew up in a home full of music, both parents independent artists, creative souls and jazz musicians. My mother, a singer. My father, a pianist. Both still struggling, both still performing now and both the supplement for the greatest inspiration to keep trudging along when the trenches seem too deep to dig myself out of. As well as not being from this country. My brother and I were born in South Africa, the birthplace of our parents, who had gone into self exile in order to pursue their rights for freedom and music and provide a better life for themselves and their children There was no pressure to be an academic professional, but that’s not to say that education wasn’t stressed. My mom(also a schoolteacher)taught both myself and my brother to read by the age of 3. Thus began a love of the English language and as you can imagine, created little monsters who had to be sent to school earlier than others. My love for writing and literature in general, grew with my avid adoration for music, from jazz to hip hop, to rock, to classical. My mother made sure that I learned as much as I could in any creative performing arts. My brother lucked out and inherited the visual artist gift, so he didn’t deal with all the yeArs of dance lessons that led me to be the youngest person at 13 years old to be a part of Alvin Aileys second company.

At the same time there was dance, there was always my love to sing(quietly)and of course, perform elaborate concert events in the bathroom mirror. I dreamed of writing my cassette insert shout outs and practiced them(along with my signature)over and over again with obviously no release date in sight.
I then began attending LaGuardia School of the Arts and Performing Arts. To my dismay and contrary to what I had witnessed on ‘Fame”, we did not stage choreographed dance numbers in the cafeteria about hot lunch or calculus, while singing along to music that always seemed to start playing from everywhere exactly at the right moment. We played a lot of spades though. Ahead of my classes as a result of attending a small advanced junior high school, I was finished with my academic schedule and only left with my vocal major classes. The establishment tried to tell me that i would have to be stuck in summer school after graduation, so as soon as I was 16, my mother removed me, also believing in the fact that I would be wasting my time to stay. Long things short, I went to GED classes, got one in 3 months and decided that i should go to engineering school and get my degree...because hey...shouldnt I know all aspects of the business ? At my mothers request later that year, I applied for NYU and was admitted without SAT’s on account of scoring in the 97th percentile on the admissions test. I entered as a 16 year old Music Business major, only to exit 2 months later thinking “I’ve lived this all my life..why is my family going to waste the money on this ?”

By this time i was already hanging out with the west village collection of poets, emcees and producers that were crowning a beautiful era by themselves. A lot of today’s extremely successful artists come out of that group of people. Mos Def, Talib Kweli, to name a couple. There was always a cypher, a show, beats everywhere, but I never told anyone I rhymed. I kept it to myself an rather passed along a beat tape or two, until finally coming out of my shell and forming a group with a friend, that we named Ground Zero. I’m not sure if I just wasn’t ready to be in a group, or we just didn’t mesh, but as a close friend asked me to join their group instead, Ground Zero had just received Unsigned Hype in The Source. By anyone it would be considered an odd move, but I’m sure I would be considered an odd girl. The groups name was Natural Resource. We released a 12” vinyl with 3 songs and a small skit. But for some reason people loved it. I was finally getting used to having everything in the open that I had kept at home for so long. I had been writing for years, the same time I had stated to make beats, sneaking my brothers equipment usage and soon after, my own. Natural Resource formed a company, Makin’ Records and topped the college charts at #1 for 12 weeks straight, in addition to releasing a gaggle of artists that we had all known but hadn’t had the opportunity to get their music to the public.

The group broke up in 1999, but nothing could stop me from wanting to be a solo artist on a mission. I couldn’t have just traveled to other countries, released records, played sold out shows for no reason. I loved it, I hated it. I was hooked. Not feeling like I was quite ready to get out and do anything on my own instantly, although I had recorded solo material with the British beat master duo The Herbalisers a year before. I threw myself into any studio that I could get into for the next couple of years, doing appearances whenever asked, to keep the buzz out there, but pretty much honing my craft. I always liked it when my mom used that term. I didn’t just want a record. I didn’t just want a single. I wanted to change things. I didn’t and still don’t see the point in doing anything if you aren’t in it to progress to a higher level. I just didn’t think I was ready yet. Then again, artists and perfectionists are their own worst critics.

After being coined “the cameo queen” by the underground, i got a chance to show and prove on my own when close friend and ex Company Flow dj Mr.Len asked me to contribute to his album. We did 3 songs and I finally felt right. i wasn’t in a working environment where the ideas where dictated or confined, the collaborations were seamless and the rhymes flowed like rivers. The end result were the tracks “The Hurt”, ‘Love Venom” and the brutal either loved or hated “Taco Day”. I wanted to make a point with others in the same game. Not everything had to be a single ready 4 minute tune with catchy hooks. It was an art, it was a story and there is no restraint of time in music. Critically acclaimed and commercially overlooked, Len’s album gave me the push to stop waiting for that perfect song in my mind and just put myself out there. I couldn’t have done it without that.

So here we are folks, One album recorded mostly in my bedroom later. Tracks contributed out of love for the exchange of love and respect from people that i grew up worshipping and finally had the chance to work with. I small indie-er(not a word) than indie label whose owner called me non stop until I finally said”Ok...ok..I will do the album”. I had been telling people there ws an album, but a bunch of songs that you record at different times does no an album make. So I took a week and chose some, banged out some more and didn’t sleep. Didn’t mix because we had less than no budget. handed it in and hoped for the best. What you see and hear is a result of all of this. Friends, family, managers, fellow musicians, trials and errors and a publicist that just wont quit. They told me when I left Natural Resource that it would be so easy for me to get signed. I believed them. People look at me funny when I tell them that Im still not, that I hustle side jobs cause Im broke and want to quit everyday. I cant give up. I refuse to give in all the blood, sweat and tears that I have devoted, that you can hear in the album. That we sold 10,000 so far with no video....just press and word of mouth. That a lot of people still don’t look at me as an emcee, but as a female first. I wont even stop when Puffy stops. I cry about this at least once a week and curse it to hell. Then I hear a song, or a beat, or a verse that reminds me how incredible rap music is. I am fighting, just for respect, just to be allowed in the game to play.

I don’t want you to let me win, where’s the challenge in that ?

I can do it all by myself. It’s not conceit. Not one bit. Just destiny. This is FATE.

Let me in or not, I’ll kick down the door if I have to. This is Jean Grease life.

It’s called hip hop.

jean-grae.com

--- Jean Grae Discography :

Jean Grae This Week 09/21/2004	Jean Grae Attack of the Attacking Things 01/01/2002